Stop Waiting…

…for someone to go with you. Have you ever stopped and thought about how many things you have said you want to do someday? Someday when someone can go with you. Someday when the kids are older. Someday when work slows down. Someday when you have more money. Someday when life settles down. Someday when you feel more confident. We probably don't even realize how often we say it because "someday" feels responsible. It feels like we're making a plan. But I've started to realize that sometimes someday is simply a really comfortable way of saying not today.

I spent a lot of years living that way. Work was always easy for me to prioritize because there was a measurable reason to do it. There was a goal, a deadline, a transaction, a responsibility, or someone depending on me. Parenting was obviously a priority too. But doing something simply because I wanted to experience it? That was much harder for me to justify. Adventure, hobbies, travel, fun—those things belonged somewhere near the bottom of the list. I thought I would get to them when everything else was handled.

The problem is that everything is never handled.

There will always be another responsibility. There will always be another expense. There will always be someone who needs something. There will always be a reason why next month, next year, or the next season might be more convenient. Life doesn't suddenly clear the calendar and send you an invitation that says, Okay, now you're allowed to enjoy it.

Over the last few years, I have completely changed the way I think about this. I've gone to concerts because I wanted to hear the music. I've taken trips to cities I wanted to experience. I've eaten dinner by myself. I've taken my girls on adventures. I even went to Italy solo. Some of those things may sound small and some were definitely outside of my comfort zone, but every one of them taught me something about myself.

I realized that for a long time, I wasn't always waiting for someone to go with me. Sometimes I was waiting for someone else's participation to give me permission to go. That's a difficult thing to admit.

There is something very comfortable about having another person validate our choices. If someone wants to go with us, then the trip feels justified. If everyone in the family wants to do the activity, then planning it feels worthwhile. If our friends are interested, suddenly the idea feels more exciting. But what happens when there is something in your heart that no one else around you is particularly interested in?

Do you stop wanting it? Or do you learn enough about yourself to say, This matters to me, and that's enough reason to experience it? I'm still learning the answer to that.

I love experiencing life with people I love. Some of my favorite memories have been made with my girls, family, and friends. There is something beautiful about sharing an experience with someone and later being able to say, "Remember when...?" I don't believe independence means convincing ourselves that we don't need anyone. We were created for relationship, connection, family, friendship, and community.

But I am learning that there is a difference between wanting someone beside you and needing someone beside you before you'll allow yourself to move, live, really enjoy life.

That difference has given me so much freedom.

I can invite someone without making my happiness dependent on their answer. I can hope they come without being devastated if they don't. I can enjoy the people God has placed in my life while still being responsible for actually living the life He gave me.

Maybe your adventure isn't Italy.Maybe it's much smaller than that. Maybe there is a restaurant you've wanted to try, but you don't have anyone to go with. Maybe you've always wanted to take a painting class, learn to dance, hike somewhere beautiful, see a concert, start running, visit a new city, sit on the beach with a book, or take your kids somewhere you've been talking about for years. Maybe adventure for you isn't traveling at all. Maybe it's finally doing something unfamiliar simply because it makes you curious.

I think as women especially, we can become incredibly good at designing experiences around everyone else. We know what our children like, what our partners like, where our friends want to eat, what everyone wants to do on vacation, and how to make sure everyone else has a good time. There is something beautiful about caring for people that way. But somewhere in all of that accommodating and planning, we can lose touch with a really simple question:

What do I enjoy?

Not what helps me recover from exhaustion. Not what everyone else wants to do. Not what looks impressive online. What makes me feel curious? What makes me laugh? What makes me lose track of time? What places do I want to see? What experiences make me feel alive?

Those questions aren't selfish. I actually think knowing the answers helps us become more whole.

When we know ourselves, we stop expecting other people to create our joy for us. We become capable of bringing something into our relationships instead of constantly looking to relationships to provide it. We have stories to tell, interests to share, things we're learning, and experiences that have stretched us.

Adventure has taught me that I can be deeply connected to people without making them responsible for my life.

It has also taught me that saying yes doesn't always mean doing something huge. Sometimes saying yes looks like taking the long way home because the sunset is beautiful. Sometimes it's buying the concert ticket. Sometimes it's grabbing the kids and heading to the beach even though dinner isn't planned. Sometimes it's getting on the plane. Sometimes it's accepting an invitation you would normally decline. Sometimes it's walking into a restaurant alone and discovering that eating by yourself isn't nearly as uncomfortable as you imagined.

And sometimes adventure is simply allowing yourself to change. Maybe that's been the biggest adventure for me.

I'm becoming a woman who thinks about living her life instead of constantly managing it. A woman who can work hard without making work her identity. A mother who wants her daughters to see that adulthood doesn't have to mean giving up curiosity, play, dreams, or adventure. I want them to see a woman who loves them deeply while also continuing to discover who God created her to be.

I want my girls to grow up knowing that they can love people without disappearing inside of those relationships. That they can build careers without allowing achievement to consume them. That they can become wives, mothers, leaders, friends, or whatever God calls them to become and still remain curious about their own lives. I can't teach them that by telling them. I have to live it.

Maybe that's part of why this matters so much to me now. I'm not trying to fill my calendar with constant activity or prove that I'm living some exciting life. I'm actually trying to do the opposite. I'm learning to pay attention. To notice what brings joy. To recognize opportunities. To be present enough to know when something in front of me deserves a yes.

Because life doesn't only happen during the big moments we plan months in advance. Most of it happens on ordinary Tuesdays, random weekends, drives home, unexpected invitations, and little opportunities we could easily talk ourselves out of. There will always be reasons to wait.

And sometimes waiting is wise. Sometimes God really is asking us to be still, prepare, heal, save, or simply stay where we are for a season. I don't believe every desire needs to become an immediate decision. But I also think there are times when we're calling something "waiting" that is really fear.

Fear of going alone. Fear of looking foolish. Fear of spending the money. Fear of disappointing someone. Fear of doing something we've never done. Fear that we'll discover we actually love a life that looks a little different than the one we've always known.

So maybe the question isn't simply, What are you waiting for?

Maybe it's: Why are you waiting?

If the answer is wisdom, keep waiting. If the answer is timing, honor the timing. If the answer is responsibility, take care of what needs to be taken care of. But if the answer is that you're waiting for someone else to give you permission to live your own life, maybe this is your reminder that you don't need it.

Buy the ticket.

Take the drive.

Try the restaurant.

Plan the day with your kids.

Learn something new.

Go somewhere you've never been.

Say yes to the invitation.

You don't have to completely change your life. Just stop postponing all of it. Because someday isn't actually a day on the calendar. This is. And the life you keep planning to live someday is already happening right now.